Dread in Parenting
By Claudio Barrientos, LCSW, MBSR Qualified Teacher
A father sat across from me in therapy and said something most people are too afraid to admit out loud:
“I feel dread when I think about caring for my child.”
His child has special needs.
And in that moment, what mattered most wasn’t correcting the feeling or reframing it too quickly.Instead, the moment became about honoring honesty.
Because underneath that word—dread—was not a lack of love.
It was a nervous system under strain.
A mind trying to make sense of a future it cannot control.
Dread doesn’t live in the present moment
As we slowed things down in the therapy session, we didn’t start with logic.We started with the body.
When feeling this dread, he noticed tightness in his upper back.A constriction in his belly. A subtle bracing—like he was preparing for something heavy.
Then we turned toward his thoughts.
Images of the future.Stories about what his daughter might never experience.Milestones that may not come.
And then he said something that shifted the therapy session:
“The dread only exists in my thoughts about the future.”
Yes.
Dread is not happening now.It is a response to what the mind is predicting, anticipating, fearing.
And yet, the body reacts as if it’s already here.
What does your child actually need from you?
I asked him a simple question:
“When you show up to your daughter, what do you think she needs most from you?”
He didn’t hesitate.
“My compassion. My understanding.”
Not perfection.Not certainty about the future.Not the absence of fear.
Just presence shaped by compassion.
Where acceptance enters
We explored the word acceptance — a word that is often misunderstood.
Acceptance does not mean:
Giving up
Not caring
Resigning or collapsing
Pretending things are “okay” when they’re not
Instead, acceptance is much simpler—and much more demanding.
Acceptance means aligning with reality.
We gently explored the reality of his situation: 1. Your child has special needs.2. Your child may need care for a long time.3. This is what is true right now.
When we resist reality, the mind fills the gap with fear.With projections.With worst-case scenarios.
And in this ecosystem - dread festers and grows.
Acceptance softens the nervous system
Something began to shift as he leaned into this.
Not by forcing himself to “feel better,” but by loosening the grip on what hasn’t happened yet.
The tightness in his back softened. His breath deepened.
Because acceptance is not passive.
It’s an active, embodied stance that says:
“This is what is here. And I can still be here with it.”
From that place, compassion becomes more accessible. Understanding becomes more natural. Connection becomes more possible.
The relational impact
Children—especially those with greater needs—don’t just receive care.They feel the quality of presence behind it.
When a parent is consumed by dread, even silently, it creates distance.
But when a parent meets the moment with:
steadiness
compassion
grounded awareness
Something else emerges.
Not certainty.Not control.But relationship. Connection.
A different way forward
I reminded my client that dread will still visit.
That’s what minds do.They scan the future.They try to protect.
But we don’t have to live there.
We can notice when the mind leaves the present.And when it does, we can return to the body.We can align with what is actually here.
And from that place, we can ask:
What is needed from me—right now?
Often, the answer is simpler than the mind would have us believe.
If you’re a parent navigating something heavy, you’re not alone.
And if you’re noticing dread, fear, or tension showing up in your body and your thoughts—that’s not failure.
That’s a place we can begin.
I’m currently accepting new therapy clients.
You can learn more or schedule a free consultation with me.
